Who Am I...?

       

       I had a real roller coaster ride in 2018.  That was definitely the year of many loses, lessons learned and ever-changing paths.  I have definitely changed in many ways.  I have grown both as a person and into a whole new person altogether.  So, who am I now...  

       I am a parent, a full-time vegetarian, a 100% TRUE believer in The Bible and in our Lord Jesus Christ.  I am a Single Widow now, An explorer, a creative person, a music and nature lover, a Film Editor, a free spirit, a realist and an optimist.  I am a lover of a simplistic life, a minimalist, a Chocoholic, a great slow and careful thinker, a lover of documentaries, a proud Cherokee Native American (til I die), a youthful middle-aged Fox, a writer, an on-camera personality, and an all-around Totally Foxy Virgo !  

      I am all of those things and so much more...  Now for the loses and things that changed my life and who I am inside FOREVER...  In 2018, I lost my estranged wife "Chipmunk" to Breast Cancer.   I never got to say goodbye to her.  I lost 2 of my four kids because of her death.  1 placed in a foster home and the other on her own in a group home.  So now, I am fighting just to get 1 of them back in my custody.  The other is 20 years old and has chosen a path in life of her own.  GOD, please be with her...  I lost my car, permanent severed contact with my sister, an uncle passed away, an aunt passed away, a cousin passed away (Many multiple deaths in 2018), my job, my place and I almost my sanity.  2018 was definitely the year of GREAT LOSES and many lessons learned for me.  

 

The "Chipmunk"

      I could be 1 really bitter person right about now if I really wanted to be, but NO...  I truly believe GOD has a much greater plan for me and I needed to learn many great lessons in my life.  I also learned NOT to hold onto worldly things / personal possessions.  They overall hold absolutely no real value in this world.  The BIBLE also tells us not to hold onto things in this world, for when we do, we will lose these things (and so much more) and suffer for it.  Well, I am living proof, that this is 100% TRUE !  I lost EVERYTHING and everyone that I had in my life.  I almost completely lost everyone around me, including the few close friends that I once had.  I even lost someone who was VERY Special to me, after my wife and I had separated apart...  

 

Marisol "Smurfette" Acevedo

       I have been forced to change the entire person that I once was and I am still trying to figure out, who I am now ?  The lessons that I have learned for me was life altering forever.  I am now continuing to blaze a new path in life, as I continue to re-invent myself here in 2019, into a whole new me...  My past life, personality, ATTACHMENTS, and self-identity are ALL GONE NOW !  GOD has wiped away clean, EVERYTHING that was once : "ME" !  In "HIS DEVINE PLAN", I am now moving forward with a clean and blank canvas.  I will now just step back and allow HIM to paint the picture of who I am now !   

  

Live your Dreams and ALWAYS : Reach for The Stars...  

Native Fire Star  

Native E-Mail      
Star Twitter  

FOX-O-GRAM   

Written and Published : January 31st, 2019 - 5:00 AM

Letter To GOD

Dear GOD, 

      I know that you are the creator, the almighty.  The end all, be all.  I know that you have a reason and a purpose for everything in life and beyond.  So, I have a few questions that has been on my mind, and I hope that you wouldn't mind sharing a small piece of your infinite wisdom with me.  

1. Why do we humans all grow old and ultimately expire ?  Why can't we just exist without death ?  

2. If you are known to be a "Forgiving" GOD, why won't you forgive Lucifer and reunite the universe once and for all ?  

3. If your message is 1 of Love, Peace, Forgiveness, non violence and Humanity, Why is there so much HATE, VIOLENCE and KILLING world wide all in your Holy name and in the name of your Holy Bible ?  

4. If The LGBT Community and citizens are all about Love, Peace and Unity, why is there so much HATE Directed towards them ?  

5. Why are there so many different languages on this earth ?  Why can't we all speak the same language and remove the barriers that keep us all separate ?  

6. Why were we humans NOT born with wings so that we could freely fly any NOT need machines to travel and freely move about ?  

7. If we humans we created in YOUR image, why do we all have different colors and sizes ?  

8. Why do we humans Thirst, Tire, Hunger and Hurt ?  

9. If you are a "Forgiving" GOD, why is it believed that we humans will parish in HELL after death for our sins ?  

10. Why do you forbid us to do things and even call them "SINS", yet you give us FREE WILL ?  

11. Why are we NOT given the choice of being born in the gender body that we prefer, since you give us so much FREE WILL ?  

12. Why was I born in a male body, instead of the Beautiful Female body that I know I should have had from the beginning ?  

13. If Pain during birth and Monthly periods were the punishment for Eve and her sin, why do all women of the world have to pay for HER sins as their own.  

14. If you are the Creator and the Almighty and no one or nothing can stand against you, why do you allow evil, war, killing and demons to exist ?  

15. Why do you give us humans urges and desires, yet tell us to resist it ?  Why even allow us to have the things that you forbid ?  

16. If you are our creator and we are all your children, why are we not allowed to speak directly with you ?  

17. Why do we need to PROVE ourselves "Worthy" of being in your kingdom of Heaven when YOU are the 1 who created us to begin with ?  

18. Why do we have to wear clothes to cover our Beautiful naked bodies that you YOURSELF created to begin with ?  

19. If we humans were created in your image, why are we ashamed of our bodies ?  Do you take that as an insult and think we are ashamed of YOU since we look exactly like you ?  

20. If we can change the color of our hair, our nails and make many other changes to our physical bodies and it is viewed as "Acceptable" and NOT sinful, why can't we change the gender of our body and live freely without fear of violence and rejection ?  

21. Why do we have to Worship and go through your son Jesus to get to you ?  

22. WHY are we NOT able to travel through time ?  

23. Why don't you speak directly to us and show us your TRUE face ?      

      I mean NO DISRESPECT to you Lord GOD.  These are just a few of the many other questions that run through my head.  I know that YOU have your reasons for everything.  You have given us instincts, free will, desires and needs.  I just ask for wisdom, answers, guidance and a higher understanding.     

Live your Dreams and ALWAYS : Reach for The Stars...  

Native Fire Star  

Native E-Mail  

Fire Plus    

Star Twitter    

     

Deep Depression

      I have been back here in Maryland for a month now.  This is certainly "NOT" the place I want to be nor is this a place that I ever wanted to return too.  The things we parents do to keep our kids happy...  Anyway, I have been using my time here in Maryland very wisely.  I have been putting a lot of energy into rebuilding myself and improving who I am.  

      However..., since coming back to Maryland, I have found that I have fallen into a "Funk".  I have been very depressed.  I have NOT been my normal Foxy Self at all.  The only things that I see, hear and feel, are all the reasons why I left this place to begin with.  I haven't even been to the gym.  I've just been out of sync with my normal self.  So, I have turned to my first love..., MUSIC !  Anyone who knows me can say I am a SUPER HUGH MUSIC LOVER !  She have been my first, only and 1 TRUE Life Long Lover.  She has been slowly picking me up, restoring my Foxy Spirit and making me whole again.  People have claimed to care for me but music (and GOD) never fails me.  I always keep my religious beliefs private but believe me, The Lord above also watches over me as well.  If you don't believe, you need to GET A CLUE ! 

      Anyway, I am trying to stay positive.  I do everything for my kids happiness.  Even sacrifice my own happiness.  Hey, that's what we parents do...  I just wonder, how much more I can take before I crack.  I need to get out more, now that the weather is warming up (Thank GOD) !  

Live your Dreams and ALWAYS : Reach for The Stars...  

Native Fire Star  

Native E-Mail  

Fire Plus    

Star Twitter